How do I move forward?

Here we are. The last post for this blog because it is my last day in Senegal. I'm currently at the airport munching on some peanut M&M's (thinking of you dad) with four of my friends who thank goodness are on the same flight. This last post is not going to wrap up the past three months in a neat little bow because that would be fetishizing this entire trip. It would imply that there is some bigger purpose in life that I achieved by coming to an "African country" and giving you the cliché response many people give when they go abroad: "It changed me."

Instead I am going to list a couple values that I learned by experiencing Senegalese culture in my everyday life. These are things that I didn't think to write a whole blog post about because they were small moments, but ones that give you a bit of a taste of what my life was like this semester.

1. Trust=Many a times I left a fruit stand owing money, with their trust that I would come back later to give them the money.

2. Hospitality=Walking down the street during lunchtime and being invited to sit around the bowl and eat with people you don't know, because everyone should enjoy lunch with company.

3. A want to teach=People appreciating your attempt to speak their language, no matter how butchered it is; and taking it one step further by proceeding to teach you or help you with words you’re struggling with.

4. The meaning of family=Many a times being told by my host family that I am part of the family and that this is my home, forever and always.

5. Devotion to religion=Watching and learning how devoted people are to their religion by seeing the rush of people to all places of prayer once the call to prayer is sounded.

6. Acceptance=Everyone belongs no matter their religion or faith; even on Easter, Muslim families have a place to go because they are invited by their Christian neighbors.

7. How to recognize true beauty=Yes, Senegal has some pretty amazing views, but the true beauty of the place is in its people. Beautiful souls who show you what it really means to be a caring person who truly loves someone; qualities that I experienced with my host family.

8. Hope=Even when things weren’t so great, I was always uplifted by my peers or my family who told me that there would be a better tomorrow and to not dwell on every little problem.

9. Appreciation=Appreciating what you have; not so much materially, but emotionally. Appreciating all the people who love you and who care for you when it seems like the world is so lonely.

Frankly, I’m quite terrified to return to the States. I don’t want to be faced with the harsh realities that I’ve read about on the news. I felt so distanced from every tragedy and political scandal. I don’t want to go back to a place where I have to be afraid to be a Jew, and where I have to be afraid to be a woman. Sure, I experienced sexism and harassment here; and yes, I was told many a times I should convert to Islam, despite the amount of times I proclaimed I was Jewish. Despite these unsettling experiences, I was never ever afraid for my life. The various comments and actions never came from a place of malice; most often the joking culture of Senegal and miscommunication. I am by no means downplaying these experiences and they truly did affect me, but again, I was never afraid to live or walk around and be unapologetically me.

So, how do I move forward? For starters, make sure to keep in contact with the people who have so deeply affected me here; people that will remind me of all the things I love about this place. I will also try to emulate, through my actions and my words, all that I learned here. I’m only one person, but any change can start with just one person. I also am truly excited to see all the people I so deeply missed and who I hope one day will return here with me. I definitely will practice my Wolof so I can impress my host family when I come back to my home in Senegal. But what I think is the most important for me, mentally, is to start this new chapter of my life with zero expectations. That is honestly one of the biggest takeaways for me from my time in Senegal. To just focus on what truly matters and have no expectations for any experience, any day, or any moment. Because when you have no expectations, you are more likely to enjoy and appreciate all that comes to you. Of course this is a hope, but it is not always going to be my reality. It is so hard to go back to a place I am used to and not have any expectations, but I’m sure as hell going to try, because wow have I enjoyed so many moments here when I had zero expectations going in.

If you’re wondering if I’ve changed, well of course I have. Every experience changes you in one way or another. I’m still the same Jenna who loves to dance, act silly with her friends, is sometimes needy as heck, loves her family and will never stop talking about her niece and nephews, who loves avocado toast and anything really with avocados, and who is proud of her Jewish identity. But I’ve also grown. I am a bit more sarcastic now (sorry Mom and Dad it’s just part of Senegal's culture), I have way better style (the tailors here are incredible), and I will eat fish even if the head is on the plate (just don't look at the head). Jokes aside, I really have also grown spiritually and mentally. I can’t wait to experience a Kab Shab service back at school and be reunited with my Jewish community. I am also way more confident with myself and am so proud of how I’ve managed my anxiety whilst being here. I have experienced so many ups and so many downs and have grown from each one.

It’s now time to sign off on this blog and my semester in Senegal, but I will most certainly not be signing off on the relationships I’ve formed, the memories I’ve made, and the new person I’ve become. I am excited to continue this next chapter of my life, to start my senior year, to rediscover my Judaism, to experience my new reality with all the growth I’ve done. Thank you to everyone who has followed my experience this semester whether by reading this blog or sending me messages. I hope you enjoyed reading, but know that this blog is by no means representative of my entire experience here. I cannot begin to contradict all the learning I’ve done by saying that this blog represents all of my time here, because that would simply be fetishizing the experience. I won’t be able to tell you in one conversation about my entire experience, and I most certainly won’t be able to sum it up in a couple sentences for some small talk. Different stories and memories will constantly be told as I’m reminded of them, and as it feels appropriate to tell them. My experience will also continue even after I leave, because of how I will reflect on all that I saw and heard. So please, don’t ask me “how was abroad?” Start by asking specific questions so that the telling comes naturally and so that I don’t have to sum up the entire experience, because that would do it complete injustice. This experience will continue past this blog, past the next couple months, and even past the next couple of years. It is a lifelong telling so be prepared for the long haul.

And with that, “Mangiy Nibbi!” (I’m coming home).